“Who wouldn’t want a love like that? I want that. Why can’t I have that?” – Anonymous

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This lovely letter was received from a reader who has requested to stay anonymous.

Dear younger me
I fear that love has not been kind to us over the years. You know that song by Amy Grant, “Baby baby”? Well, for us that fun music video is still the idealistic romance we’ve always looked at with a yearning heart. “I want that. Why can’t I have that”?

Instead for us, love has been challenging, complicated and in some ways limiting of our true self.
It hasn’t been that effortless soaring, where life becomes “And” – an expansive joy, instead of “Or” – a stable and warm but somehow lessening compromise.

In our twenties you still believe in the fairy tale very much, but unfortunately the soul mate you’re in love with is going to be so broken in themselves that you’ll have to leave, in self-defense. It will be one of the hardest things we ever do. The choice is between real love and utter self-destruction or this heartache of missing out. It’s a bugger of a thing.

Maybe the lesson is to embrace all the other beautiful types of love and friendships that will bloom in our life over the years.
Maybe the lesson is to never give up hope that it will somehow some day happen.
Maybe the lesson is to become a whole person ourselves, not needing someone else to complete us.
Maybe all of the above. Or none.

But still,

“Baby, baby
The stars are shining for you
And just like me I’m sure that they adore you.”

“And ever since the day you put my heart in motion
Baby I realize that there’s just no getting over you.”

Who wouldn’t want a love like that in their life? We still do.

Love,
your older, greyer self.

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